Monster
by Werewolf not a goldenretriever
Summary: Songfic. Gaara-centric.


**(A/N): Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the song** ** _Monster_** **by Imagine Dragons.**

 _Ever since I could remember_

 _Everything inside of me_

 _Just wanted to fit in_

I remember being a child. In that time I remember the stares, the whispers. I remember that none of the kids liked me. They feared me.

I remember I tried to be nice, to help or play, but they still hated me.

I was an outcast.

My uncle. He cared for me. Until that night when my father ordered him to kill me. And he told me how he felt. How he really felt. He hated me. Just like everyone else.

 _I was never one for pretenders_

 _Everything I tried to be_

 _Just wouldn't settle in_

I honestly tried fitting in. I tried being nice and thoughtful. I tried being helpful. But I never forgot- they never let me forget- just what I was. What I housed inside me.

 _If I told you what I was_

 _Would you turn your back on me?_

 _And if I seemed dangerous,_

 _Would you be scared?_

Whenever I met someone new, whenever someone came into the village I would try talking to them, but there was always the same result, someone would talk to the newcomer and they would look at me just like everyone else did. It was one word that triggered the hatred.

Jinjuriki. That one word told everyone what was inside me. Made them hate me. Fear me. And I heard the whispers. I heard what they said.

"That's him. The jinjuriki."

"The demon."

"The monster."

 _I get the feeling just because_

 _Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

 _That this problem lies in me_

I became angry. The hatred bubbled and boiled inside of me until it overflowed. No one understood how it felt. I was completely alone.

Only, I wasn't. The whole time there was something. A voice. A presence. Shukaku. He knew. He knew how it felt to be hated. He knew how it felt to be alone.

And he taught me. He taught me how to hate back. How to live.

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me_

 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

The chunin exams. By this point I had let Shukaku influence me. Mold me. And I didn't want to be a demon. But I also didn't want to sit around and take it. The hatred, the fear. My own hatred and resent was too much to deal with. It was just too great and it was overwhelming.

 _A monster,_

 _A monster,_

 _I've turned into a monster._

 _A monster,_

 _A monster,_

 _And it keeps getting stronger!_

When I fought Sasuke my hatred climbed, and Shukaku was there the whole time, egging me on, telling me to hurt him. To kill him and everyone around him. To spill their blood. To rejoice in their death.

What did it matter anyway? They all hated me. They didn't care for me. I was just a jinjuriki. A monster.

Soon enough I couldn't control it. I didn't want to control it. Just when Sasuke was beaten another came. A blond. This blond protected the raven and the pink-haired girl.

I couldn't understand. Why would this boy- Naruto I learned- care so much if these people got hurt? It wouldn't affect him. But still, he fought.

As I fought Naruto I became even more angry. The anger fueled me, blinded me. And eventually I stopped being able to see the difference between my thoughts and Shukaku's. I accepted the demon. The sand surrounded me, clung to me and turned me into that thing. All the while Naruto fought me, telling me about how he knew what it meant to be alone. But it was too late. Shukaku had almost completely emerged and I was too weak to stop it.

But he helped. He woke me up and left Shukaku dormant. I didn't know it at the time, but he changed me.

 _Can I clear my conscience_

 _If I'm different from the rest?_

 _Do I have to run and hide?_

Two years later, I had changed. I had even become kazekage of the Sand. But I couldn't help but feel as though they didn't forgive me. I knew they respected me, liked me, but did they really trust me?

 _I never said that I want this._

 _This burden came to me._

 _And it's made it's home inside!_

Even though I was kazekage I was still the jinjuriki, I could still be considered a monster. And I had never wanted to hold that demon inside me.

I was relieved, happy even when I woke up to find that the voice, the presence was gone. And I learned something. Even with the monster I could still have people by my side.

 **(A/N): hey! Okay, I know I didn't use the whole song but I didn't want to have to use the bridge and chorus twice.**


End file.
